and she was petting her beer can
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
