He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
