i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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