yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
