so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize