Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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