I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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