he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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