I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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