we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
