so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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