Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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