You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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