You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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