So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
