Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The adults are the big ones right?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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