quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize