I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
