Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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