Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
