fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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