i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
