I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
