dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
NoShamevember. You game?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
