We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize