I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
