there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
