Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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