I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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