She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
