God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
