maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
