either way he was missing a nipple.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
