i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
