I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
