I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
