you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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