I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
