The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize