Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
