Who did Billy Mays play for?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
