so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
