It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize