I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
