I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
