you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
