Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
