Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
cat food counts as protein by the way
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
