OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
