Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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