If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
