There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
