The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
