apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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