i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
