girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
