I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
