That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
