So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
