I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
