he thought i was a dude.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
