I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
it's not cheating when I paid for it
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
