Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Sorry about my life...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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