I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
