I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Everyone says I win the strip club
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
