Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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