yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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