Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
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