Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
