Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
