I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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